Pilates Class

"It's the bitchy "sshhh" sound you make when you're trying to quiet a room of people"- well that's what my pilates teacher says.

I have to disagree with her on that- it's more like a pre-natal breathing class. The reasoning behind this forced in-and-out breath - which is stemmed from the abdominals- is apparently, to strengthen the inner core muscles.

I've been attending these "sshhh" classes for the past year or so, with much enthusiasm I might add. In that time, I've seen scores of people (big, medium and ummm... average built) come and go. Most of the regulars are rich housewives, trying to maintain their liposuctioned bellies and thighs. It seems with every in-breath they take; their fake plasties freakishly inflate, much to the pervy satisfaction of the 10% male representation.

[BUT WAIT!!! If you read further, I'll throw in a few more grotty incidences from my class at NO EXTRA COST!!!] (Aint it your lucky day) hahaha....


• Sometimes, when you concentrate really hard you can hear the faint "parp" of a fart disguised by loud "sshhh" breathing.

• If you get to class late, you are forced to the back of the class, where you get to "enjoy" the bee-hind view.

• A full class also means people sticking their smelly feet in your face, as you do floor exercises- YUCK!!

• Graceful agility of steroidian men trying to point their toes.


You might ask why I subject myself to this retinal eye-sore, well the answer is simple: It cracks me up fully (pun totally intended). The comic quirks are what draws me week in and week out. All I need to do is install hidden cameras....